


Coming Out

by rsadelle



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-16
Updated: 2009-09-16
Packaged: 2017-10-25 21:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rsadelle/pseuds/rsadelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon wants to come out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> There was an [](http://anon-lovefest.livejournal.com/profile)[**anon_lovefest**](http://anon-lovefest.livejournal.com/) [prompt](http://community.livejournal.com/anon_lovefest/31778.html?thread=2723618#t2723618) that said, "The rest of Panic always knew Brendon was gay but Ryan never wanted him to come out. Now that the band's split Brendon feels like he can finally tell the truth." I woke up one morning with the beginning of this in my head, but by that time (a) someone had already posted a response to the prompt and (b) [](http://anon-lovefest.livejournal.com/profile)[**anon_lovefest**](http://anon-lovefest.livejournal.com/) had moved on to the next week's worth of prompts.

Brendon has no idea, the first time Brent takes him to band practice, that this is the most important thing that will ever happen to him, the thing that will change his life. He has no idea Spencer and Ryan will become the best friends he'll ever have. And while he does know he's different, he has no idea he's gay.

***

Brendon's not exactly sure when he figured it out, but he knows Jon is the first person he tells. It's before Jon is even in their band. Brendon's been drinking with Bill, lovely Bill with the legs that go on and on that Brendon would like to get to know better. But Bill's straight, and more than that, he's both totally in love with and absolutely faithful to his girlfriend back home. But that's not the point, okay? The point is that Brendon's drunk, and he says, "I'm gay," to Jon, and then realizes it and slaps his hands over his mouth.

"Um, okay?" Jon says. He looks like he doesn't know what else to say.

"I, um, didn't mean to say that." Brendon gives Jon his best wide eyes. "Don't tell anyone?"

Jon slings an arm around him. "I won't."

***

After Spencer fires Brent, Brendon blurts out, "I'm gay."

Spencer and Ryan both look at him with wide eyes, but it's Ryan who says, "Jesus Christ, Brendon, no. No, no, no. It's going to be bad enough when people start asking us about Brent."

Brendon already has his arms crossed over his chest, so he huddles in a little more. "I didn't mean we had to tell anyone. I just wanted you to know."

"So we know," Spencer says after a moment. No one says anything else, and for a while, they just sit there looking at each other over Spencer's phone.

***

"No," Ryan says.

"Why not?" Brendon scowls at him.

"Because that's not what our band is about." Ryan's hands flutter a little, which is the Ryan equivalent of flinging his arms around everywhere.

Brendon just gapes at him. "Not what our band is about? We're practically making out on stage every night."

"That's a show!" Ryan scowls and says, "You're not telling anyone," and his tone says that's the end of it.

***

But they come with him, Ryan and Spencer and Jon, when he tells his parents. Brendon won't let them come inside, but he appreciates them waiting outside, leaning on the car parked along the sidewalk.

It goes about as badly as Brendon expected. But he comes out and his band is waiting for him, and even Ryan hugs him tight before they get in the car and drive away.

***

Brendon tells Shane before he asks him to move in.

"Don't hit on me and keep your underwear out of common areas, and we'll be cool," Shane says.

That's what Brendon likes about Shane. There's no bullshit, and he doesn't mind the few times Brendon risks bringing a guy home.

***

Brendon's older, they all are, and he's more rational. He assumes that means Ryan is too, but it doesn't work out that way.

"No, no way. We've talked about this," Ryan says.

Brendon growls. "Yeah, like two years ago."

"Yeah," Ryan says, "we decided."

"We didn't decide!" Brendon yells. "You decided!"

He stomps off and goes home, and Shane pretends not to notice that he's crying as he storms through the house to his room.

***

Brendon and Spencer make the calls to Ian and Dallon together, both of them at the dining room table with Bogart wandering in and out and Brendon's cell on speaker between them.

Ian already knows, of course, and with him it's just extending an offer and letting him know he can think about it.

With Dallon, it's different. They don't know him as well, and Brendon says, "Before you decide, you should know I'm gay." He traces patterns onto the table and doesn't look up while he says it.

There's a moment where none of them say anything, and then Spencer says, "Think about it, and let us know."

Dallon and Ian both say yes.

***

They get home from tour, and Brendon is just bone-deep happy in a way he hasn't been in a long time. They pick up Bogart, and then order pizza because they're tired and they don't want to deal with anything else.

Brendon goes outside where Spencer's watching Bogart run around the backyard. "Spencer," he says, and then sits down on one of the chairs and tucks his hands under his thighs to keep from fidgeting.

"Brendon," Spencer says. After a while he seems to get that Brendon came out here for a reason, and he turns to look at Brendon instead of Bogart. "Brendon?"

"This is our band now, right?" Brendon says, and Spencer nods because they've said that a lot recently, with the emphasis moving from word to word depending on the point they're trying to make. "So," Brendon says, and stops to take a deep breath. "SoIdon'twanttobeintheclosetanymore," he says all in a rush.

Spencer stares at him for a moment that seems to go on forever, and Brendon thinks he's going to say no. But then he looks more thoughtful and says, "Think we're big enough to get you on the cover of _The Advocate_?"


End file.
